Life unexpected
by Seven secrets
Summary: Nessie was eight years old when she was diagnosed with APL which is a very rare leukemia, in short she has cancer, none of us expected it, I suppose nobody ever really does... All Human.
1. Chapter 1

**Dislaimer: I don't own twilight.**

Nessie was eight years old when she was diagnosed with APL which a very rare subgroup myeloid leukemia, in short she has cancer.

None of us expected it, I suppose nobody ever does, not really anyway, but it felt strange, different like the world had stopped but the only problem was it hadn't, people still walked around the streets, birds still flew high in the sky, and people kept on living.

I remember when we had first made this discovery, it was long after Bella had passed on, but it was one of those memories that you don not forget, even now I wonder what would have happened if I caught the signs sooner, if I had somehow managed to know, if Bella was still with us, if things would have been any different.

A bruise the size of a four leaf clover sits smack bang between Nessie's shoulder blades, Alice my sister is the first to discover it, she and Nessie were off taking on of their annual trips to the local dance class that Bella had enrolled our daughter in the moment she was old enough to be classed as a toddler, I remember Nessie asking the night she had gotten home "does this make me lucky?" she asked when I tucked her up into her bed.

I had tried to rub it off at first mistaking it for a small drawing she had marked herself with, but with no success, Nessie the usual commentator in our day to day business sat surprisingly still, with her gaze focused on her neat row to teddy bears "Does it hurt?"

She shook her head.

By the time morning comes around I've barely gotten any sleep, my night was spent by on going phone calls from the country club lounge I work at, I play the piano, and on weekdays I'm always swamped with timed requested songs, and when I'm not doing that I'm swimming in a small pile of bills, raking my head asking as I punch each digit into the calculator how I got to this point in my life.

I walk downstairs expecting the lights to be switched on and the sound of the SpongeBob SquarePants theme tune to assault my ear drums, followed by the usual bell of laughter that is my daughter as she giggles out a good morning.

So imagine my surprise when I trudge upstairs to find her still in bed, the duvet pulled high over her head, and her one arm hanging limply over the bed, my first the reaction is relaxation the fact that I might simply have a few small moments of peace to myself.

My second reaction is worry, "Rise and Shine sweetheart." I say pull the purple blanket away from her tired face, she looks up at me, her small hands rubbing the sleep away from her face.

"Morning…" she whispers, I smiles, and reach towards her chest of draws pulling out a pair of blue jeans and a warm sweater.

"SpongeBob's on" I say, helping her sit up, she simply groans in reply, "I was think today, how about we go to the park? We can go on the swings? Or maybe we can visit Aunt Rose?" I say, calmly pulling her blue pyjama top over her head.

Trailing down her spine, like a chain of blue jewels are a string of bruises.

"Dad… can we go to the park and get some ice cream? I'm dying for a mint chocolate chip," she yawns, rubbing the remaining sleep out of her eyes, before grabbing the yellow sweater out of my hands, and putting it on.

I was scared, or more petrified, but as a father it was my job to be the calm one, to be the one who was in control "Ness, I don't think we can go to the park today."

"But you just said?… why?" She asked, crossing her arms and pouting slightly.

"Because we need to see Grandpa Carlisle." And with that I help my daughter into the rest her clothes and we're off towards the Forks hospital.

I don't wait around to be seen, I don't even say my usual greeting towards Helen the nurse who is usual found behind the desk, instead I carry Nessie carefully on my back, and walk towards my father's office.

He works in general surgery, meaning that he could be anywhere at this moment, but to our luck he is sitting at his desk with his brows furrowed, starring down at the pile of paper in his hands.

"Dad." I say, as I move us into the small office, putting Nessie down onto the floor so she can run up to hug her Grandfather as she usually does, as a sign of a greeting.

She just reaches his hip, he swings an arm around her, "Hi Ness." He says smiling.

"Hi Grand dad" she beams up towards him.

He casts his gaze towards me, "what's wrong?"

We end up sitting at the desk, with Nessie engulfed in a game of Tetris on my phone, "It's Anemia right? Kids her age… they don't get mono do they? Or is it something else? Because by the look of her back, you don't need to be a doctor to know it's as simple as a cold…" I say, my eyes wondering towards my daughter ever four or five words, wanting to watch her in case she fell down and dropped into a coma, or if she suddenly began to bleed through her ears.

"Edward" he sighed my name, making me switch my attention back towards him… the doctor, the one with the answers, the calm one, "It could be anything, it could be as simple as a virus, or…" he glanced down towards her this time.

"Or? Or it could be something worse…" I wanted to cover my ears, to make this whole situation go away.

"I'll have to run some tests." He said, trying to change the subject, which I let him do gladly.

"Dad, are we going to go to the park anytime soon? You know before I get old." Nessie asked looking up at me with brown impatient eyes.

I wanted to say yes, and that we would be leaving right away, because all the answer's came from a small little prescription, and that I was an over protective paranoid fool "No Ness, not right now.." I said, glancing back towards Carlisle.

She sighed loudly.

Carlisle, called for a nurse and they escorted us towards a hospital bed in the pediatric ward, the nurse's name was Megan.

"Renesmee…"

"It's Nessie." My daughter cut her off, her eyes glancing quickly towards me.

Megan smiled and nodded, "Nessie, this will only be a tiny pinch." She said, picking up a syringe from her tray of equipment.

"Liar." Nessie muttered under her breath, before jumping onto the bed, and laying so she is looking up at the plain tile ceiling.

They ask me to hold her shoulders, as a sign of comfort or precaution I'm not sure, I feel her left hand reach over to grab my arm as she watches in spite of herself, as the needle nears.

"I can do this…" she mutters, but her hand grips me tighter, I can't stop myself from watching either as the needle breaks through her skin.

I'm glad when I see the blood flow.

I feel like I'm waiting for hours while I sit on the rugged floor of the hospital waiting room with other parents, some with children, some on their own.

Nessie, is sitting with a small black haired girl, with big brown eyes and a small pink butterfly clip in her hair, they're talking, and laughing occasionally sending glances towards me and another man, with Russet skin, who I'm guessing is the girls father.

He nods in my direction "Jacob Black." He says stretching his hand towards me, before glancing towards his own little girl.

"Edward Cullen." I say, reaching over to shake his hand, "Mine's Nessie." I smile, glancing towards my daughter as she gets up to stand on the tip of her toes and does a small twirl, with her new friend as an eager audience, I hear them giggle as they glance at Jacob and I.

"Mine's Bree." He says, smiling towards the girls, "quite a little dancer you go there." He says, as Nessie curtseys to Bree, before pulling her up to dance too.

"She got that from her mother's side I suspect." I feel a small tug in my heart when I think of Bella, sometimes it hurts more then anything else when I wake up and she's not there to say good morning, or when we go to dinner with the whole family, and some says something really funny and I glance to see if she found it funny too, even though I know she's not in the room.

Jacob smiles, "so what are you guys here for? Bree's got tonsillitis," He says smiling towards his daughter, "which in other words means an Ice cream holiday as she calls it." He laughs slightly.

I smile, it was nice meeting other fathers and other families, because their the people you can really relate too, when it comes to money and Christmas, or Birthdays, they understand because their going through it all too.

"Nessie Cullen?" Helen asks though by now she knows Nessie well enough to state her favourite colour, but I understand this is a formality.

Jacob and I nod towards one another, before I take Nessie by the hand after she's given her new best friend Bree a hug, and we follow Helen.

I sometimes wish I hadn't followed Helen, I sometimes wonder if the hospital made a mistake and that one day they'll ring us up and say, that the tests were wrong, that they were someone else's child and that Nessie was fine.

Does that make me a selfish person?

* * *

**Love it hate it please Review! **


	2. The language of Giraffes

**Thankyou to those who have reviewed/favourited/aleted this story. And thanks to my Awesome Beta AWishedMiracle (Aka Rachel :P).**

**I hope you like it! **

* * *

She sits at the table, her elbows up, staring across it towards me, "Hi." she smiles resting her head in her hands.

I lean forward, mimicking her position, "Hi," she grins, and leans back in her seat, looking up at the clock above my head, "they'll get here soon Ness." I smile, I haven't told the family yet, I haven't even told Ness, Carlisle knows, and though on most occasions I'd expect him to tell Esme, but he knows more than others that this is something I need to do… alone.

"I hope so, I can't wait to tell Aunt Alice that _**you**_!" she emphasizes on the you part, "Made me walk," we were in a car "all the way to the hospital, meet new people, in jeans and some ratty, plain old shirt." It wasn't ratty, in fact it was only two weeks old, it wasn't old either.

It was times like this that I really loathed my sister, with her fashion and her clothing rules, but I knew that was one of the reasons I loved her, I smile towards Nessie, "You'll be a tattle tale." I smirk.

She frowns, "But… No I'm not!" she says crossing her arms over her chest.

"Yes you are." I grin, getting up from the round wooden table in the kitchen and moving towards her.

"No I'm not!" she huffs, her brows pulling together in the way her mother's would when she was alive…

I sneak behind her I'm surprised she hasn't noticed me, and it worries me, but I shake it off, "Yes you are!" I say, reaching up to her waist and tickling her, she jumps back in her seat, squealing and gasping for breath.

"No…. I'm… not!" she says, giggling furiously as I lift her up, and tickle her hard.

"Say it." I chuckle, my hands moving towards her neck, she kicks with laughter and somehow manages to escape, running towards the living room.

I laugh and chase after her. She's on the opposite side of the sofa to me, and I know that if I really tried I could jump across it and grab her but that would ruin the fun. So instead I play it her way, I stick my arms forward as though I'm going to tickle her and run at the sofa.

She laughs loudly, "I'm not a tattle tale, your just scared!" she grins teasingly, running so she's still opposite towards me.

I laugh "No I'm not!" I say moving towards her, reaching my hands towards her, she's almost in my reach before like a little mouse she slips behind me and tickles me.

I laugh, her hands are so small, though I know they are they size of any average eight year old, to me she will always be the same little baby, that looked up at me, the moment she was born. The one that bit my finger instead of wrapping her hand around it, the one that smiled in her sleep.

"Say it Dad!" she laughed believing she had the upper hand, I couldn't help but chuckle, before I pulled her around towards me, and tickled her until she was laying on her back, on the sofa, gasping for breath.

"No Ness I think you should say it!" I smiled, tickling her neck, and smiling down at her as she got red, though a small part of me wanted to back away from her as though she was a snake about to bite me.

She laughed, "N…!" I raised an eyebrow before tickling her waist, grinning as she kicked her legs up and tried cover my hands with her arm.

"Oh really?" I said, raising my eyebrow playfully. She laughed, she had often told me that when I do that I look like a teacher or someone really smart, to which I replied, I am smart, and she would say, you a dad… that's your job, and though I knew it wasn't true, I agreed with her.

"Dad!" She squealed her hands gripping my wrists trying to pull them off.

"Say it." I smiled, she somehow managed a shaky eye roll, but she nodded slightly, either that or it was just her head twitching as she laughed.

"Uncle!" She shouted, her voice shaky, and I moved my hands away from her, she smiled, and panted trying to catch her breath, she patted the spot on the sofa next to her, and I sat down.

For awhile we simply sat there staring up at the ceiling, Nessie's shaky breath the only noise in the house, that and the hum of the appliances.

The bell to our house rung loudly for seven whole seconds, I sighed and stood, Nessie shook her head once at me and dashed towards the door, the next thing I heard was the loud shout of "WHAT!" from my sister, and the chuckle of her husband Jasper Whitlock.

As I predicted she stormed into the room, her face pulled into a frown, and her arms resting on her hips, and as predicted Nessie stood behind her in the safety of Jasper's arms, sticking her tongue out towards me, her eyes gleaming with mischief. She got that from my side of the family.

"Alice let me explain…." I began, though it was pointless once the wrecking ball known as Alice was started, it was hard to get her to stop.

"Edward Mason Cullen!" yep, this is it "How dare you?" funny we're arguing about _**my**_ child, "After all the effort and hard work I put in trying to get the girl to realize the importance of clothing! You go a head and toss her some ratty old sweater, and a pair of ugly blue jeans!"

I shot a glare in my daughters direction, as she and Jasper, whispered to one another each suppressing their own laughter.

"Ali, can we talk about this later…" I sighed.

"Don't you Ali me!" she shot at me, moving towards me like a lioness about to finish her prey, _**Rinnnngg! **_

I had never in my life been so grateful for the bell ringing,

"I'll get it!" I shouted before dashing towards the door.

Rosalie Hale, my brother's girlfriend for the most part of our lives was now his wife. In fact, she had been his wife as soon as they graduated from college. She stood, in a pair of tight skinny black jeans, and a loose sweater, that's sleeves reached up to her elbows.

Standing beside her, in jeans and a green shirt was their son Kyle. Emmett was most likely parking the car, leaving

Rose and I standing in the awkward silence that usually swam around us.

"Edward," She said, moving into the house.

"Rose," I said trying to ease the tension between us.

"Kyle!" Her son, my nephew shouted. He was very much like Emmett, though he had his mother's eyes. I couldn't help but smile down at him despite, the fact that in my mind, he was always the son of the devil wearing Prada.

I moved aside for them to walk past only three more people needed to come in before I would make the announcement.

It was a long thirty minutes filled with the sound of gossiping from Alice and Rosalie, and the laughter of Nessie and Kyle as they played their new favourite game… Lava.

The game involved, not being able to touch to floor whilst moving around the living room, and it was also said that the aim was to make it all the way across the whole room with out touching the ground otherwise you would burn and die.

Kyle was six, and though he was the son of my brother he had more grace and balance then any of us had originally expected.

"I heard you went to visit Carlisle today," Jasper commented. His eyes still fixated on my sister, as she tipped her head back and laughed at something Rose had said.

It reminded me of when she would laugh like that with Bella, sometimes, even Rosalie would. At the time Alice and Bella were inseparable, at first it baffled and infuriated me that my sister and my girlfriend, were even speaking to each! Other much less friends, but I got used to it, because soon it became normal, and things were calmer with Bella as Alice's Barbie doll.

I nodded to Jasper, "Yes I was planning on talking to you all about that when Emmett comes back with Carlisle and Esme," I said simply, watching the clock and feeling more and more anxious with each second.

* * *

******Flashback from Earlier That Day******

"Are you sure?" I asked, glancing towards the door where Nessie sat with the Nurse, exchanging stories, and sipping at a drink of water.

Carlisle nodded, "I had them check three times, and even did the test myself just to be sure…" he looked down at his feet once before turning his head back to me, "I'm so sorry Edward."

I sighed, I wanted to hit something, I wanted to go out and scream, but I knew that wouldn't do any good and I knew that was not what a good dad was supposed to do… I needed to be calm, and in control

"It can be taken care of right?" I asked looking towards the door, catching a glimpse of my bronze hair on my eight year old's head, my world.

Carlisle again looked down, "Nessie, has a more… violent case of Leukemia."

From then it was like my mind had gone into sleep mode. Everything was blurry and dry. Grey. Words like APL, Bone Marrow, White Blood Cell Count, and abnormal, reached my ears. Though I couldn't quite process them. I couldn't get my finger around the thought that my little girl, my happy smiley little girl was sick… not just sick, that she had Cancer, Leukemia.

That the might not stay here on earth. That she might not get to go to high school, or middle school. That she won't try to tell me she wants to go out with this boy from her science class, and that I won't get to laugh about it. That she might not get run to Alice or Rose when she has girl problems. That she might not get to ask me to teach her how to drive.

That she might not get to walk down the isle… have kids. Do amazing things. Become an amazing woman, because she's just an amazing kid.

"Will she… will she… die?" I blurt out.

"Everybody dies Edward…" Carlisle says looking around the room.

"That's not what I meant." I hear myself snapping, but at this point I don't care. All I care about is the little person outside, who has so much to give the world. They must have made a mistake, that small vial of blood must belong to someone else's unfortunate child, not Nessie, not my little girl.

Carlisle sighs before he answers and when he does his voice is quiet and hesitant, "If treatment starts immediately… there is still a chance," Carlisle says, his eyes shutting as though it's hurting him inside.

"What are the treatments like?" I ask, pacing around the room, trying to clear my senses. I can't do this alone… and I really wish Bella were here to tell me I didn't have too.

"Aggressive."

I sigh, I sigh, because I can't shout or scream. I sigh because I can't reach out and take away her pain, and burn it.

Last week I stood in the doorway of Nessie's room. She had somehow managed to end up with her feet on her pillow and her head at the end of the bed, '_**she's gonna grow up to be something wonderful' **_that's what I remember thinking and yet I'm here in this situation with no going back.

"Dad?" a voice asks from behind me, it's innocent and unknowing… which makes everything so much worse. I plant a smile onto my face and turn around.

"Hey Ness."

******End of Flashback******

* * *

Nessie and Kyle went upstairs to play in my room. That was the only option in the negotiation I had to make with my daughter in order to get her to leave. She didn't like not knowing stuff or feeling out of the loop, and in her mind being allowed into my room was a big sacrifice on my part. Esme, Carlisle, and Emmett soon came home. They stood among Jasper, Alice, and Rose while I tried to find the words I needed to say.

"What is it Edward?" Esme asks, placing her hand onto my shoulder, I look down at my shoes my fingertips gripping onto what's left of my courage.

"It's Nessie…" I begin, feeling light headed about even having to say it out loud, because the child part in me feels as though if I don't say it, it won't be real…

"What about Nessie?" Alice asks her brows furrowing together, as she glanced between Carlisle and I.

"She… she's… she's sick." I say, still hoping for that call… the call that will end this all.

Rosalie raises an eyebrow, her hand gripping tightly onto Emmett's as though bracing herself for the on coming news, I wish I had that, the safety to brace myself, to get prepared.

"How sick?" It's still Alice who is asking the questions that are on everyone's minds.

"Very sick." I say, looking down at my shoes, gripping on the nearest chair in my reach.

"Edward…" Carlisle sighs, "just tell them."

By now the air in the room feels like it's on short supple as though everyone else is sucking it in, and I need it.

"She has L… Le.. Leukemia." I stutter. My throat begins to swell and my eyes becoming hot. I'm holding my breath, as the room goes silent.

All you can hear is the sound of everyone's heart beats racing, each waiting for Nessie to jump out and say gotcha, or for me to burst out laughing, everyone's waiting for someone to say it's not real, "please say something."

Nobody moves.

"E.." someone begins but I can't hear them.

I'm already too lost in my own sea of thoughts, the ones that are yelling out, that this is all my fault.

I tuck Nessie into bed as I do every night, but this time I lay down onto the bed next to her, she turns towards me

"What's wrong?" She says in her quiet, gentle voice.

My throat feels like it's going to swell shut, "Want some animal crackers?" I ask, feeling into my pocket for my secret stash.

"Do I look like I'm five to you?" Nessie asks, smiling as she reaches forward towards me, her small hand opening up. I'm careful when I place a lion into her hand.

"Roar!" I say as she bites its head off roughly.

I put an elephant into my hand, she makes a trump noise with her nose, as I bite away at it's ears, I laugh.

I put a Giraffe into her hand, "What does a Giraffe say?" she asks looking down at the long necked piece of food in her hand.

"They don't say anything," I reply looking down at it too.

"Why?" She asks, her eyes switching from the animal to me.

"Because that's the way they're born," I reply and my throat swells up a bit. "Nessie I need to tell you something."

I say, moving to cuddle her, so that her head rests on my arm, she plays with my hand drumming her fingers across it.

"What is it?" She asks, smiling sweetly at the differences in our hands, how mine is bigger and the nails are short and cut, and how hers are small, bitten and coated in slightly chipped purple nail polish.

And then because she already knows what cancer is, I try to explain to my eight year old little girl what happens when people get leukemia.

"Why are you telling me this?" she frowns looking up at me her eyes shaky, searching mine for answers, answers that I wish I didn't have to give.

"Because, that's what… your illness is Ness," I say quietly, but she still hears me.

And then she understands me.

She cries and screams and kicks, and she won't stop. She claws at herself and I. She's begins shouting at her mother. She's yelling at herself for being the wrong person. She's angry with the world, she's angry with creation, and she won't stop. And I just lay there with my arms wrapped around her, holding her, because in reality she's doing what I want to do.

She falls asleep with her face red and puffy. Her body is shaking and small tears are escaping through her lashes. I'm awake, I'm still holding her, and I'm still scared as I try to make sense of things. And I can't sleep because I'm afraid that if I do, she won't stop.


	3. Jete Jete Jete

**Nessie's POV**

I'm told I was born more then a week to early for my own birth. I was due in the beginning of September, and I don't know why I was early it's very unlike me… but I was, and here I am. I'm sure my mum did here level best to keep me put, and though I don't really know here, not properly anyway, because I was only with her for three years and though this may sound rude, or perhaps even a little ungrateful.

She could have been anyone to me, I'm sure I could tell when I was in my mothers arms, I must have made some recognition to her after three years, but during our first few moments together I'm almost certain she was just a pretty blur, like a machine, she had been my home for the first nine months of my existence, but that doesn't mean that out of every single woman in the room, I would have known which one was her.

Maybe it's just me, maybe I'm the exception, one of the two percent of children who won't know their own mums, I'm sure lots of other babies would have been able to tell the difference, because I'm sure babies _**do **_think.

But back to my point, I was born one week too early to my own birth… maybe that extra week meant absolutely nothing at all, but maybe it did… but I'll never know.

* * *

I woke up this morning, with my dad's arms wrapped around me, his eyes were shut tightly and he was snoring, before I would have laughed, because when my dad snores he does it in this weird tune, like a humming sound, it reminds me of bees.

I try to push away from him gently so I don't wake him, which is pretty difficult because of the way his arm is slung around me, I want things to go back to normal, I want to go to my dance class today and not feel as though I need to worry about falling to the floor, about dying before all them, that maybe the pirouette, or Jetés, will be my last.

I didn't bother brushing my teeth, because I don't really like to, it makes me feel… strange, and I only do it if I'm told I have to and I don't care what the dentist has to say about it.

I slipped out of my PJ's and folded them carefully before putting them back inside my draws, I had to pick something to wear, because Dad doesn't know a thing about fashion, and Aunt Alice says that appearances are important, especially for young dancers.

I brushed my hair, I was going to miss my hair, Dad said once they get the chemo started that it will all fall out, "Hello." I said to the girl in front of me, the one who had lost seven baby teeth so far (the most in my class by the way) the one who had a nice full head of hair.

I expected her to say it back, to prove that I was not that girl anymore that I was someone who was sick, who might die at any moment.

I brushed my hair back, the brush was a bit too big for my hands, so I had to hold it with two, it was wavy like I had imagined my mum's hair was like.

When I pulled a face because of the occasional knot that passed through the brush, the girl in the mirror did too, when I patted down a small tuff of hair that stuck stubbornly out of it's spot with the others, the girl in the mirror would too, and when I bit my lip trying to tie up my hair with the shinny orange hair scrunchy so did the girl.

"Hey." I looked at him through the reflection in the mirror, he needed a shave, and his eyes were pink, and tired, his hair was messier than usual, and his head was turned directly towards me.

"Hi." I said, splashing my face with cold water to make sure I was wide awake.

"What are you doing?" He asked, coming up behind me to kiss me on the forehead though I had told him more often than once that it made me feel babyish, and I wasn't a baby, I was a big girl, I understood things.

"Getting ready for Dance class, Miss Weber, said we needed to be fit and healthy…" we stared at each other for a moment, my dad's eyes are bright green, the kind of green that you can only find in blades of grass, from one very special place, "she says we need to be fit and healthy if we want to do well in the recital on Sunday.

He nodded, before moving towards the sink to grab my tooth brush, "You need clean teeth if you want to dance well." he said though I honestly had no idea what your teeth had to do with dancing which was basically about moving your feet.

"Dad?" I asked.

"Yeah?" He replied lifting his head up from the tube of tooth paste he was busy smearing over the bristles.

"Can I have some privacy?" I asked, he stood still for a moment as though leaving me here, was one of the most frightening decisions he's ever had to make.

But he nodded, once before walking out of our small bathroom, and leaving me, and the girl in the mirror alone.

* * *

When your little everyone assumes that you won't understand, when your older your imagination is too narrow to play, when your too old and your mind is remembering being little nobody wants to play, so my question is, when are you able to understand? When are you young enough to play? It's one of those questions that you never get an answer to.

I leaned my head against the cool window in the back seat, I was already in my leotard it was the long sleeved one with red glitter on it, it was Dad's idea to make me wear it, I think he was too anxious about the questions Miss Weber would ask on the off chance that she saw my bruises.

Aunt Alice wasn't here today, so he had to drive me though I think that was going to be the plan anyway, "What's the dance about this time?"

I lifted my head to turn to him "What?".

He sighed, smiling down the road, his hands gripping the steering wheel tightly, "I said what's the dance about this time?" He turned his head lightly towards me before going back to watching the road, it was strange really, how he can pretend so easily that none of this is happening, how he can make it through all this and seem so completely in control, he was like Superman, not Spiderman because he creeped me out hiding in the shadows making webs across half the city, I shuddered thinking about it.

"It's a surprise." I said, smiling at the thought of knowing something that dad didn't, I don't know why, but it made me feel better, like I was in control, like when your playing make believe.

"A surprise huh? What about if I ask really nicely?" I could see his grin from the rear view mirror as he turned into the parking lot, I smirked back at him.

"Then you'd be a nosey little kill joy won't you?" He laughed quietly before turning off the engine and getting out.

My dad loved his Volvo, apparently it had been here long before I was born and had never been sold, I wondered what would happen if the car was cut up into tiny little coke bottles, if my dad would gather them all up and rebuild the car from scratch…. It was laughable.

He held my hand as well walked into the warm blue lobby of the studio, I could see the other kids, most were here with their mums, some had their dad's handing them small lunch boxes, from the corner of my eye I could see Katie.

She was in my grade for dance, and she though she was one year younger than me, she was one of my best friends, she had her big sister Caitlin with her today, I didn't really know Caitlin very well… she used to go to my school before she graduated and went on to middle school, since then she had changed her attitude and wardrobe, I mean she was still nice and all but now she wore leather, and skinny's, she would talk on the phone for hours Katie told me once, and she'd go out with her friends and not come back for ages.

"Dad are you staying to watch?" I asked looking up at him, he held my hand tightly and nodded.

"I don't think I have much of a choice do you?" I grinned and shook my head, I know this may sound dorky or weird, but my dad was like my friend, he would listen to me and laugh at my jokes, he would watch SpongeBob with me in the mornings while we were having breakfast, he would take me to the park and we'd eat ice cream on swings until we puked.

"No I don't think you do." He laughed, and led me over towards Miss Weber.

"Angela." He smiled, before hugging her awkwardly, Miss Weber, has light brown hair, and slightly tanned skin, like Bree's dad's but only lighter, she used to wear glasses, until a few months ago when she came into class one day with a engagement ring on her finger, I got Uncle Emmett to me google it and it turned out it was four carrot gold… or something like that, he said it must have been expensive worth at least three months salary which he could have spent on a flat screen TV.

"Edward." She smiled, patting him on the shoulder, by then I had tuned out of the conversation, and began focusing on the other kids as they ran around the room, chasing each other, laughing, some stood by the bars and talked, some practiced their Pliés.

I felt my dad's grip loosen on my hand, as he and Miss Weber continued talking, I took this as my cue to run and join the others, "Nessie!" A voice shouted from behind me, as a body slammed into me from behind, wrapping their arms around me, I winced.

"Hi Katie." I said patting her hands, softly before pulling out of her grip to rub my back.

Katie grinned at me before pulling me over towards the bars, her yellow leotard and purple tutu slipping slightly as she moved.

Katie loved to do warm ups, they were her favourite part of the lesson that and of course the dancing.

"I can't wait for the recital!" she squeaked her blonde hair bounced, parts of it falling from it's messy bun, I smiled, "Do you think we'll be doing the animal dance? I hope we are I've been practicing my rabbit for days, I've got the ears and everything."

"I don't know.." I mumbled, I was excited to don't get me wrong, but I couldn't bring myself to be happy, or jumpy, not when I felt like I was about to fall over and break every bone in my body, not when the images of needles and probe machines clouded my vision whenever I closed my eyes.

"I really hope we do, my sister's been helping me with the steps I think…" I sighed, as Katie began to ramble.

"Kids gather round!" Miss Weber called from the piano, I glanced towards my dad, he stood by the door his eyes focused on me and me only, I smile slightly towards him, he waved before taking a seat with the other parents.

I ran to the circle Katie had already saved a seat from me beside Nate, "Hi," I whispered as I took my spot, he smiled a reply before turning his attention back towards our teacher.

I liked Nate, Aunt Rose said it was just a crush it most likely was, I mean I am eight but it I don't know, sometimes I think about what it would be like growing up and getting married, having kids, because that's the order it's supposed to go in… girls grow up and they marry boys, and fathers walk their daughters down the isle… at least that's what they teach you at school.

But at home, I learnt that girls can grow up and marry girls, and that boys can marry boys and that mothers can walk their daughters down the isle, it's weird sometimes I think I learn more at home then I ever have at school.

Miss Anne began talking about the dance recital, I wasn't sure if I would be able to make it, if I would still be breathing by that point.

"Nessie? What do you think?" All eyes turned towards me, waiting for my answer to a question I hadn't even been aware of.

"Think of what?" I could hear some of the other kids giggling and I could feel the heat rushing up my neck which made me feel even more hot and which made the other kids snicker even more.

Miss Weber just smiled a small smile before continuing on with the class, we didn't do much just jumped around a bit and spun, it was fun but it wasn't the best lesson I've ever had, most of the time I felt too exposed I could feel my dad watching with every jump and turn, I could almost see him hold his breath whenever I jetéd, I could almost hear him let out a breath of relief, it put me off I didn't want him to be worried about me… I wanted him to enjoy watching me dance, like he used to I didn't like seeing him messy and sad, and worried I knew he was trying to hide it…but it wasn't working very well.

"You were great Ness." He smiled, before gripping my hand as we walked towards the door.

"Thanks." I mumbled, what was I supposed to say, _'I know you weren't really watching but the thought was nice?' _I doubt that would work well.

"Nessie?" I felt a small had grip my shoulder, we turned to see a slightly pink looking Nate had me a green envelope, on the cover was a picture of a blue elephant with a red bow attached to it's trunk, I smiled slightly "It.. It's an invitation to my birthday party this weekend… we… we're having a trampoline party… Mum said we might even have a clown." He panted grinning, he had lost five teeth, only one was visible.

I smiled towards him, I hoped I could go too, but I wasn't sure, Dad hadn't said anything about when the appointments would be, or when I would be allowed to leave, it wasn't like Bree… she would be getting ice cream in bed, big bowls of it, with chocolate source, I pictured myself covered in bandages, with a tube poking out of my arms and my head so bald and polished that you could see your own reflection in it.

It was a gruesome nightmare that I really didn't want to have to think about.

"I hope I can come too Nate," I smiled widely that's what Aunt Alice said to do, she said to smile a lot so that way you seem happy and fun "It sounds like a lot of fun." It didn't really, Clowns creeped me out, always in your face, with ketchup red hair and smiling… too many smiles you never knew what they were thinking.

He nodded quickly before running back towards his mum to hand out the other invites.

We walked towards the car in silence, with him holding onto my hand as I counted the steps inside my head, we were on number 67 by the time we had gotten to the car, I slid into the back and buckled up my seat belt as he turned on the radio, he did that when he was thinking in the car, I guess it was like he was trying to distract me; but I didn't mind, it was quite fun really, just sitting down and listening to music, like the magic carpet ride in Aladdin except there was no singing along, sometimes we would mumble along to the words, we usually did with the 'Amarillo' song.

"Is this the way to Amarillo… every night I've been hugging my pillow… dreaming dreams of Amarillo and sweet Marie who waits for me.." I smiled slightly at the words, it was a cute song, rather annoying too though.

_And sweet Marie who waits for me…_


End file.
